From Imbalance to Fulfillment
A figure travels from chaos to harmony.
Transformation is an intrinsic part of life, a process that each of us must undertake to reach our true potential. I have recently undergone a profound radical change, driven by a deep desire for balance, self-evaluation, and ultimate fulfillment. Inspired by my experiences, I created this blog to reflect and share my findings.
Disconnection and Imbalance
My transformation began near the end of my tenure as a Director at the YouTube channel Dhar Mann Studios, marked by a pivotal moment of disconnection and imbalance. In February 2022, I was honored with the "Team Member of the Month" award for my “incredible and inspiring performance” in January. During those months, my team was at its peak, collaborating seamlessly, and producing some of the best visual and performance work of my career. Despite this success, I faced moments of conflict and miscommunication, not only with others but also within myself.
Near the end of February, a dedicated lighting technician on my team was abruptly fired. In a meeting between human resources and the production manager, I inquired about the reason for my team member’s dismissal. The response I received from the production manager was chilling: "Change.” And if in a month, I had not changed to their liking, then I would be let go of too.
This directive did not sit well with me, especially considering the countless hours and steadfast loyalty I had dedicated to the company. I poured my heart into my work every day, only to be silenced and told not to question. There was no indication, no warning, nor any clarity on what I needed to change.
I faced uncertainty, questioned my relationships and choices, and confronted a difficult truth. I had suspicions about what had happened or been said, but they remained just that—suspicions—because I never pursued them. Instead, I realized the need for deep reflection. During this reflective moment, I concluded that I had been disrespected. The path I was on no longer aligned with my true desires, and the dissonance I felt urged me to reassess and realign.
I remained quiet for the rest of the meeting, contemplating the implications of this ultimatum. A few minutes later, I received a document to sign, acknowledging that I understood the terms of my future employment. My dissatisfaction with the way the company ran had come down to an ultimatum - to change or else.
“I chose Change!”
Silent Sentinels: The Skeleton's Reach Under a Midnight Sun 2024
Medium: Shot on 35mm Ilford HP5 Plus Black and White Print Film
Print: Giclée Print on Hahnemühle Photo Rag 308 Fine Art Paper
I refused to sign the document that was sent to me by HR. Instead, I waited for my paycheck to clear the following week, and then I submitted my resignation letter, effective immediately. I walked into the production manager’s office and delivered my letter personally. I shook his hand and said, “Thank you!” Then, I proceeded to walk out and say goodbye to the people I liked working with. I will never forget the way he held that sealed envelope in his hand and then looked at me. He knew I had just delivered a grenade right into his hand.
At the time, they were hiring a couple new directors and ramping up production. Their goal was to produce enough content to release a new episode 7 days a week. For their lack of respect for the people that sacrifice themselves for their goals, I can say they never made their goal. Actually, their viewership fell the following month, and a year later, a large number of their original cast members went on strike.
Nevertheless, this decision marked a turning point, freeing me to pursue a path that truly resonated with my values and aspirations. I took a leap of faith, trusting that I would find something better—something that truly aligned with my purpose and ultimate satisfaction. This act of courage marked the beginning of my odyssey which continues to shape my path today.
Self-Evaluation and Awakening
I reckoned with my past actions and made pivotal decisions for my future. During this period of intense self-evaluation, I had to listen to my inner voice, which had been drowned out by the noise of external expectations and internal doubts.
I embraced self-reflection. I asked myself tough questions: What do I truly want? What changes do I need to make to achieve it? This process is not easy, but it is necessary. Honesty and courage were essential as I confronted my fears and embraced my true self.
I spent hours in introspection, revisiting the choices that led me to this point. The clarity that emerged was both liberating and daunting. I realized that my passion for storytelling through still images, something I had cherished since I was 14, was where my heart truly lay. The fast-paced, high-pressure environment of video production had taken its toll, and it was time to return to my roots.
This awakening spurred a series of changes. I realigned my life with my true desires, focusing on photography and exploring new creative avenues. I reconnected with old passions and discovered new ones.
The process was challenging, filled with moments of doubt and fear. Yet, with each obstacle I encountered and overcame, I discovered strength and clarity. This period of self-evaluation and awakening was not just about changing my career path; it was about redefining who I am and what I stand for. I embraced my true self, with all my imperfections and potential. Initially, I may have feigned bravery and confidence, but I stepped into the present moment, where I could actively shape and create my reality.
During this time, I learned that true fulfillment comes from within. It requires listening to one's inner voice, embracing one's passions, and having the courage to make difficult but necessary changes. This turning point was not just a phase; it was the foundation upon which I continue to build my life and career.
Fulfillment and Completion
Today, I arrive at a place of completion and fulfillment. I celebrate the progress I have made and recognize the mastery I have achieved. I enjoy the fruits of my labor, feeling a sense of wholeness and satisfaction with what I have accomplished so far.
This culmination symbolizes the successful conclusion of one journey, while marking the beginning of a new cycle for me. Armed with the wisdom and experience gained through my transformation, I am embarking on new ventures with a renewed sense of purpose and harmony.
My years of dedication and perseverance pay off. I find myself in a space where my work resonates deeply with my soul. Each project I launch feels like sharing a piece of my soul with the world. The recognition and satisfaction I experience are more than external validations but also internal affirmations that I am on the right path.
I embrace this phase of completion as a celebration of continuous growth, fully aware of its fleeting nature. With a heart full of love and a spirit eager for new adventures, I acknowledge that this culmination is but a moment, soon to pass, marking the start of another adventure-filled volume in my ever-evolving life.
Embracing Change
Looking back, I realize my transformation journey was not just about overcoming imbalance but about embracing the process of self-discovery. I learned the importance of introspection, the power of honest evaluation, and the fulfillment that comes from aligning with my true self.
Each phase brought its own challenges and rewards. The initial imbalance reminded me of the need for harmony, self-evaluation guided me through introspection, and now, I celebrate and share with you my achievements with an air of satisfaction. These experiences mapped out a path of profound transformation, one that I continue to walk with gratitude and purpose.
I understand that my transformation is not complete. I now find myself at the start of a new beginning, and I will continue to create and destroy, and re-create myself until the day God says, “Good, my son. You have fulfilled your purpose.” Until then, I will face the hard truths, make courageous decisions, and celebrate my progress. As I move forward, I carry the lessons learned and the wisdom gained, ready to embrace whatever lies ahead with an open heart and a clear vision.
I want to take a moment to forgive and thank the production manager who once told me to change or be let go. Though it was a difficult moment, it pushed me to confront my limitations and ultimately fueled my growth. Your words were a catalyst for my transformation, and for that, I am grateful.
So you see…my life changed.
Here's to the journey of transformation, to finding balance, awakening to our true selves, and ultimately reaching a state of fulfillment and wholeness. May we all continue to grow, evolve, and celebrate our unique paths.